“The New Punk! Sounds too much like the New Deal to me and socialism makes me sick. Now don’t forget to vote Republican in the upcoming primaries and remember ‘you got a pal in Al.’”
—Albert Sharp, Mayor, city of Detroit
“Bleep-%$#@-bleep-&%$#@-bleep-bleep!”
—Potty Mouth, orphan, Desolation Row
“I don’t do much reading—none actually now that I think about it—but when I do read I prefer to do it with a fresh Mickey’s Malt Liquor. It looks cheap, tastes cheap, and is cheap, which is why I drink it. After four or five you won’t taste a thing. So try a Mickey’s, the cheap maker! It’s also the drink of choice in my new, upcoming movie—coming straight to a video store near you—Sherlock Homeless, the tale of a down-on-his-luck detective trying to solve the mystery of who killed the butler living in the cardboard mansion. With his sewer-dwelling sidekick, Ratson, the two embark—oh right, sorry . . . read The New Punk, I hear it’s good.”
—Tom Travolta, B-movie actor extraordinaire
“Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy!”
—Big Mama, Head Supervisor, Desolation Row
“You have a 99.99—repeating of course—percent chance of enjoying The New Punk.”
—The Wiz, orphan, Desolation Row
“Reading The New Punk is like digging through the dumpster and finding a half-filled bottle of the good stuff.”
—Stinky Pete, vagrant, city of Detroit
“The New Punk filled in me the hole of never actually meeting my father.”
—Bob Lennon, musician, illegitimate son of Bob Dylan or John Lennon
“I eat The New Punk for breakfast!”
—Sergeant Breakfast, Triad of Terror member
“You don’t need a pair of binoculars to see that The New Punk is good.”
—Ray Charles, orphan, Desolation Row
“The New Punk, now I can dig that!”
—Brown Sugar Man, mysterious street musician, city of Detroit
